Down Time 2 and Three Fourths!
by Lordoftheghostking28
Summary: Because I said there would be no Down Time 3! Link and Midna are back to do random crazy fun things! Rated T for crazyness and creepyness involving flesh eating fairies.
1. Chapter 1

** I'M BAAACK! And didn't I say there wouldn't be a Down Time 3? Well, ha, ha! It's ****Down Time 2 ¾****! And now let the randomness begin…**

** XxXxXxXx**

It was one of those times when Midna was beginning to regret freeing Link from where she first met him. For one thing, he had somehow managed to successfully catch his underwear on fire while his outside pants were nowhere near fire. It aroused a few questions in Midna's mind, but she forced them away. Another thing was her wolfy companion had discovered how bad fleas were and she absolutely refused to accompany him further on his back as long as this probablem remained. And the last and probably worst thing was Link was attempting to fly off a cliff.

Midna watched as he spread his arms and bellyflopped down the whole of the Zora Throne-room thing into the pool down below with a very audible_ SMACK_. Someone began laughing hysterically. Midna rolled her eyes and floated down to where Link had pulled himself onto a small island and lay there as if dying.

"_Sios saudk_." Midna said.

"I know…oh…it burns!" Link groaned. "But it sure was fun!"

Midna sighed and then quickly reminded the rather forgetful Hero of what they were suppost to be doing.

"I know I have to do that one thing…but it's boring! Come on, I want an adventure!" Link stood up boldly and winced from the pain of bellyflopping twenty thousand feet in the air.

Midna growled, "_Json diwh skhi_!"

"What? Saving Hyrule isn't an adventure…exploring it is!" Link declared, turning on his heel and taking a step forward, where his foot met water and he sank.

**XxXxXxXx**

"Oasis Flight? Sure thing. Get in the cannon!" The creepy guy with the cannon in Lake Hylia said creepily. Link quickly got in the cannon, afraid that if he didn't get in it fast enough the guy would attack him or something. Within ten seconds, he was hurtling through the air at about a million miles an hour, the skin on his face seeming to be pulled away from his skull.

He landed with a loud, "AAAAGHH!" in a giant pile of sand, actually sounding a bit like "AAA-GHHFFMM!' instead.

Midna floated out of his shadow and growled, "_Hsom dui djsy_."

"Shand in mah mouf." Link muttered, wiping sand off his tongue with the Master Sword.

After getting the sand out of his socks, they began exploring the dead, dry, and very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY hot wasteland of a desert. This was Link's idea of exploring? The kid must have been hit by an octorock when he was little.

Midna remained in shadowy form to escape the sun's heat while she watched Link struggle along, gasping for water or root beer or anything at all after a few minuets.

"Midna! I'm gonna die!" he groaned, pretending to faint. Midna was about to slap him upside the head when something caught her eye.

There, about a half mile away was a giant slab of bridge. Eldon Bridge, to be exact. Link must have seen it too because he quit pretending to die and the two of them hurried along to it. "How'd it get here?" Link asked. "I mean…this thing should be halfway across Hyrule!"

Midna did not care/know how the twenty thousand ton bridge piece got in the middle of the desert, she only cared about getting Eldon Bridge back in one piece before a little 'ol lady on a horse fell into the giant gaping hole. They approached the hillside that the bridge piece was in and giant, glowy red things rained down from the sky and stuck in the ground, forming a barrier. Three Shadow Beasts fell out of a portal and made a beeline for the two non-desert dwellers.

"MIDNA! I HAVE TO TURN INTO A WOLF! NOW!" Link screamed, running in circles and randomly waving the Master Sword around. After avoiding the blade, Midna got close enough to her psycho companion to turn him into a wolf. After that, things went smoothly from there on out.

"Whew…that was close…I almost died." Link said dramatically. When he realized Midna wasn't paying attention he went towards the bridge piece

"_Iusio skai_." Midna said.

"Yeah, let's teleport this thing." Link agreed.

So teleport that thing they did. Eldon Bridge was restored. Hurray.

"Let's teleport back to the desert. I think I saw something when we moved that giant cinderblock of a bridge." Link suggested.

** XxXxXxXx**

"_Kreeko Joap_!" Midna exclaimed, pointing down the dark abyss that had been hidden from the bridge piece.

Link began heading down the stairs when a voice came out of nowhere, saying, "I've been expecting you, Hero…"

"What was that?" Link asked nervously.

"_Juih dhyw._" Midna said, accidentally shoving him over a small cliff. Link faceplanted directly onto some sort of Orc thing and it died, exploding into a Blue Rupee. Link picked it up and a mysterious voice said, "You've found a **Blue Rupee**! It's worth **five**!"

"Now I'm really creeped out…" Link muttered.

Midna pointed to the wall, where it had crumbled, leaving an escape route. They hurried through only to fall down another cliff. Link heroically slayed three more Orc things and another wall crumbled.

"I just noticed…there's no way to get back up to the surface." Link looked up to the balcony-like cliff thing they had fallen over, rubbing multiple bruises on his elbows and knees. "So I sort of hope there's a really good prize or something at the end of this thing."

"_Jerkare_." Midna sighed, pointing to the passageway which had opened up. They went through three more little arena things before Link stood on the edge of a fourth one, gazing below at a small pool with what looked like a cloud hovering over it.

Closely followed by Midna, Link jumped down. His vision grew so bright he had to look away, and when he looked back…there was a girl. Well…a girl with giant fairy wings.

…She wasn't really wearing a shirt either…

Link stared at her for a total of ten seconds before turning and screaming, "AAAOOAAA IT BURNZZ!" He ran into a wall and knocked himself out.

Midna facepalmed and turned back towards the fairy girl. "_Wakah_?"

"I am the Great Fairy." The girl said. "Did I alarm him?"

"_Yes_." Midna said flatly.

The Fairy sat on the edge of the pool and waited for Link to wake up. A good half hour passed before he sprang up, shouted, "DOUGHNUTS!" and slammed into the wall again.

The Great Fairy sighed and turned to Midna. "I guess I should tell you this, then. He scares me."

"_Yes_," Midna agreed.

The Fairy took a deep breath and said, "I am the Great Fairy. Since you have made it this far, I will release fairies to Ordon Spring. If you wish to leave this dungeon and return to the surface, you need only to speak to me. Proceed if you wish." She sounded as though she had gone through this over and over.

Midna nodded and slapped Link, waking him up again. "Where am I?" He muttered.

"_Quisyui_." Midna said.

"Oh, yeah." Link turned a bright shade of red, clashing with his green tunic and making him look like some bad Christmas decoration. He avoided looking in the Great Fairy's direction.

The Fairy in turn gave Midna a look that screamed, "WTF?"

Midna only facepalmed again and then proceeded to tell Link what the Fairy had told her.

"Oh, ok. I think we can keep going." Link said quickly, running towards where another door had magically fallen.

**XxXxXxXx**

"I thought I was only in a T rated game and FanFiction!" Link screamed as he smashed a lot of Orcs and flying skulls and rats and whatever random crap tried to kill him. "I mean, at least her hair was long enough to cover….um…any _interesting_ places, but still…if a slight wind blew through that place…" Link sliced some spider thing open and green blood flew everywhere.

"Ew…I don't want to think about it…" He shuddered. Somehow the Hero wasn't grossed out about spider blood but when the topic turned to the Fairy he nearly had a fit.

Midna would never understand anyone in the world of light. In her world, guys would probably be staring. They did enough of that at her already.

"At least she brought back fairies to Ordon… Maybe I can catch them all in jars." Link went on rambling on. "And sell them for lots of money so I can buy the Fairy a shirt or something." He walked through another door that had opened and they entered into another arena.

After destroying a bunch of purple Chus they entered onto another balcony-ish cliff, overlooking a small pool much like where they met the Fairy.

"Weird…" Link muttered, but he jumped down.

In a bright flash of light the Fairy came back. Link covered his eyes and screamed, "IT BURNZZ!" and ran through the closed door, making a Link shaped hole in it. The screams of him getting mauled by rats sounded.

"That sounds very unpleasant." The Fairy muttered.

"_Mika_." Midna agreed.

Eventually the Clawshot thing clung onto the roof, dragging up Link, who still had a rat chewing on his ear. He landed on the balcony thing and entered back into the room Midna and the Fairy were in, ripping the rat off his ear and throwing it into a wall as he went.

"I don't know what this place is or what the heck you want from me, but this is incredibly stupid." Link growled, eyeing the Fairy square in the face and then blushing and looking away.

"_Liasn din iosdfn_." Midna sighed.

"I AM _NOT_ IN LOVE AND WE'RE _NOT_ GOING TO HAVE LITTLE FAIRY BABIES!"

Midna cracked up laughing and fell into the pool.

The Fairy facepalmed, muttering something about immature Heroes and bomb arrows and something about needing a giant spiked ball on a chain for the upcoming challenges ahead. And at some point Link was pretty sure she said something about fat shoes.

"Just…just go on ahead." The Fairy used magic to shove Link and Midna out of her sacred pool area and into the next arena.

Cue demented ice bats and flying ice horse skull bird/bat mutations.

** XxXxXxXx**

"_LINK!_" Midna slapped the half-dead Hero a lot. "_KIIYI ISO_!"

"Midnaaa…." Link groaned. "I see ice cream cones…"

Midna reached into his pack and drew out a bottle filled with purple Chu jelly. It was now or never. It would either kill him or revive him. Either way was ok with her.

Link choked on most of it, but a little managed to get down his throat. He sprang up and shouted, "LET'S SAVE THE WORLD!" before marching into a ice-breathing dragon's path and freezing.

Midna facepalmed and hoped that the dungeon things would end soon.

Cue one twenty more rooms.

**XxXxXxXx**

After a very long and miserable road of slicing and different colored blood, they reached the Fairy for …the fifth time? Link lost track.

"I'm impressed. For being an immature, boyish joke you've done well." The Fairy said, walking sort of suggestively towards the Hero.

"GET HER AWAY, MIDNA! GET HER AWAAAY!" Link turned and beat on the door that had closed behind him. Midna just laughed from somewhere up in the shadows, having turned back into a shadow being.

"Oh, relax!" The Fairy snapped, grabbing his arm.

There was a flash of light and Link was in that weird little sacred pond thing in Lake Hylia. The Fairy floated over the water, a really annoyed look on her face. "You do know in order to get out of the dungeon I had to come in contact with you, right?"

"No." Link said, ashamed. He looked down at his feet.

"Well, anyway, since you helped free all the Fairies, here's a blessed bottle of Fairy Tears. You may need them. And if you run out you can come back and I'll refill them, free of charge, because I'm suppost to, so says NINTENDO." The Fairy rolled her eyes.

Dramatic music played.

"You've got the **Fairy's Tears**! Drink them to **briefly boost attack power** and to restore **8** hearts!" A creepy voice said out of nowhere.

"Ok, then…" Link muttered.

Midna rolled her eyes and said, "_Jiod disn jdie ayeu._"

"Oh yeah, that's right! We have to do other stuff!" Link stashed the bottle of Tears in his pack and raced off. "Bye, creepy Fairy!"

The Fairy facepalmed, but she was happy that she was free from the creepy dungeon, at least.

** XxXxXxXx**

** Yeah…in the desert, that's where you find the bridge piece and then there's stairs leading down towards the dungeons, where you'll find the Great Fairy. She doesn't look as creepy as I said she does, in fact I wouldn't have even noticed she wasn't wearing anything on top if my bro hadn't pointed it out. …Thanks, DinosaurKing82… XP**

** I hope that wasn't too creepy for anyone. This scared me. Next stuff to be completely non-perverted. **


	2. Fairies and Ordon Spring

** XxXxXxXx**

** Fairies and Ordon Spring**

Link was waiting in some bushes, eyeing his prey as they flitted along lazily above the spring's water. He clutched the Gale Boomerang tightly in his hand, ready to use it.

Midna drifted over to him, taking a solid form as she went. "_Uwan sah?_" she asked flatly.

"Yes, this is a _genius_ plan!" Link said evilly. "If the Great Fairy finds out about this…who cares? This is gonna be fun!" With that, he stood up out of the bushes and flung the Boomerang.

Instantly every fairy that had been floating over the water got sucked up into the wind (Including Navi) and flew back towards Link, who got bombarded by little balls of light and fluff.

"Hey! Hey! You're an idiot! Hey! Listen! You're an idiot!" Navi growled as angrily as she/he/it could.

"Ow…" Link groaned, untangling six fairies that were caught in his hair. They left a bunch of glowing dust, making him look like some sort of weird monster thing. He began to float off the ground.

"DMN PIXIE DUST!" Link swore, flailing uncontrollably through the air, straight up.

** A BIT LATER**…

Link was back in the bushes, waiting for the perfect chance to strike. Don't ask how he got back to the ground safely, 'cuz he didn't. He broke six bones and his face and Midna had to throw fairies at him to save him.

"_No._" Midna growled, sitting on Link's shoe.

"This time I really got it." Link said, standing up and throwing the Boomerang again. It caught every fairy and sent them hurtling towards him again, but he jumped out of the way. All the fairies were thrown into the rocks where they lay, until they slid down the stone one by one and passed out.

"Oh, crap." Link muttered.

One of the fairies woke up almost immeadentally and started squeaking death threats at him. A few others woke up and joined in, and pretty soon all of them were back and plotting Link's death.

"OH, CRAP!" Link shouted as all the fairies lunged at him and started tickling him. To put it mildly, it was the worst death you could possibly ever endure.

** LATER…**

When Link could breathe again he went back to fairy catching. This time, he held the Gale Boomerang in one hand and a huge jar in the other. This was sure to be an epic win.

"HIII YAA!" Link shouted, throwing the Boomerang at the fairies and once again catching every one of them. When the gust of wind came towards him, he held out the jar in front of him and all the fairies were shoved in.

Dramatic music played.

"You've caught **278 fairies in one jar only designed to hold two**! You're a **moron**! I could **arrest** you for **animal cruelty**!"

The jar broke and fairies zoomed out and tickled Link to near death again.

** FAILURE. LATER**…

"This time I shall not fail!" Link announced, throwing the Boomerang at the fairies again. Then he lit a bomb and re-threw the boomerang again and watched as it flew around the spring, collecting fairies and stuff. But the bomb didn't blow up. It started heading back towards him.

"AAAYII!" Link turned and ran.

Unfortunately, the Boomerang caught up with him and there was an epic explosion of shiny pixie dust. Luckily the fairies were unharmed.

"Ow…" Link groaned, putting out his smoking hat. He stood up and started walking back towards the spring when a tiny voice shouted, "OWWW! MOMMY!"

He looked down to see a tiny fairy, smaller than the rest, with three wings instead of four. A small paper-thin thing lay a few feet away. Link had injured a fairy.

"The gods are gonna kill you! Hey! You're stupid! Hey! The gods are gonna kill you!" Navi said annoyingly.

"Shut up before I blow your mouth off!" Link hissed, stooping down and picking up the small fairy.

"MOMMY! THE EVIL HUMAN'S GONNA EAT ME! I DON'T WANNA GET EATEN! _MOMMY_!" The fairy wailed.

"I'm not gonna eat you." Link sighed.

"…You're not?" The fairy asked awkwardly.

"No."

"MOMMY! THE EVIL HUMAN'S GONNA DO SOMETHING MEAN TO ME! _MOMMY_!"

Link facepalmed, smacking himself with his Boomerang. He put the darn thing away and began walking back towards his house, with the small fairy still screaming.

"MOMMY! THE HUMAN'S GONNA DO SOMETHING MEAN TO ME! MOMMY! HE'S TAKING ME AWAY FROM YOU! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! HE'S GONNA USE MY DUST TO FLY!"

"Relax! Can you re-grow wings?" Link asked, climbing the ladder.

"…Yeah. MOMMY! HE'S GONNA KILL ME!" The fairy shrieked.

"How long does it take you to re-grow them?" Link opened the door and entered his really cluttered house.

"Uhhhhmmm….about a week. MOMMY! HE'S ASKING ME WEIRD QUESTIONS ABOUT WINGS!"

"Hey! Maybe if she drank a Red Bull she'd grow a wing faster! Hey! Listen!" Navi said unhelpfully.

"Yeah, right. Get her to shut up, all right?" Link muttered, putting the injured fairy on the seat of a chair.

Midna followed Link up to the upper level of his house, where he began looking through stuff trying to find something suitable for a fairy bed.

"_Moron,_" Midna said.

"We've been through that." Link growled, finding a soft cloth thing. He figured it was good enough and headed back down towards where he left the fairies.

"Navi told me you were looking at the Great Fairy funny," The little fairy accused. "I think _you_ look funny, not her!"

"Shut up about me, Navi." Link growled.

"Hey! It's true!" Navi said innocently.

"So I got to sit through a whole week of this crap?" Link hissed, pulling up another chair and sinking into it. "Is there a way to heal you faster or something?"

"Human flesh helps." The little fairy squeaked.

"For real." Link facepalmed.

"That _is_ for real." With that, the little fairy lunged forward and sank microscopic teeth into Link's neck.

"AAAHAAA IT TICKLES!" Link laughed. His laughter quickly changed to sobs. "Please let me go! Ow! OWW!"

Navi and Midna laughed so hard they fell out of the air.

"Ok, I'm joking. Fairy Tears help." The little fairy let go of Link and hopped back up on the chair.

"Why didn't you just say so?" Link growled, rubbing his neck and drawing out a bottle of the Great Fairy's tears. The little fairy lapped them up and as everyone watched, it grew another wing. It was unnerving.

"_Weird…_" Midna said.

The little fairy flew up and out the window, screaming, "MOMMY! THE HUMAN TASTES GOOD!"

"Remind me never again to not ever go near the springs as long as I live." Link groaned. "Because I'm afraid if I do that the fairies will eat me alive."

"Hey! They probably will! Human flesh tastes good!" Navi said before sinking her larger teeth into Link's neck.

"AAAGAHAAA! NOOOO!" Link wailed.

Midna just laughed and flicked pumpkin seeds at him.

**XxXxXxXx**

** Dang, carnivore fairies. You think they're cute, but watch out….it's like something out of Dungeons and Dragons!**

** Anyway, more randomness to follow! Keep on reading, or DIE BY EVIL FAIRIES!**

** XxXxXxXx**


	3. Wallets

** WALLETS**

"I'm the richest guy in the universe! Yeah! No one has more money than me! I rule the world! Malo Mart is funded by me!" Link sang, skipping along the beaten path when all of a sudden, completely unexpectedly, a giant hole opened up in the ground and practically ate him.

Midna blinked hard, trying to make sure she wasn't hallucinating the hyper Hero's death once again. When she was pretty sure she wasn't, she dived down the hole after him, landing on his head.

"_Sio duey?_" She asked.

"I don't know." Link said, whipping his lantern out of nowhere.

They proceeded down the giant worm hole thing, wondering how something this big had gone undiscovered for so long. "I wonder what we'll find." Link muttered, mostly to himself.

The path widened into a giant circular room, with a giant sequin-studded chest in a corner. "Wait a second, how is it in a corner?" Link wondered, looking around the circular room in amazement.

"_Suuiwo._" Midna said, stating that godly powers were at hand once again.

Link crossed over to the chest and pulled it open, falling backwards in awesomeness. For there, in the chest, were forty two orange Rupees, worth 100 each. "Wow!" He squeaked, scooping armloads out of the chest and just staring.

They were shiny.

He started putting them into his wallet when a mysterious voice came out of nowhere and said, "You've found **forty billion** in **Rupees**! But it won't fit in your wallet, so let's put it back."

"_NOOOO!_" Link wailed as the chest sucked all the Rupees out of his wallet. The lid of the chest locked tight on his fingers.

Midna burst out laughing while Link screamed about never slaying any more Orc things ever again. After a few minuets Midna opened the chest and Link fell backwards away from the demented thing, muttering about Ganondorf cursing the world and releasing flesh-eating fairies and making flesh-eating treasure chests appear. (See previous chapter)

"_Dyuiso?_" Midna suggested.

"But I don't know where I would find a bigger wallet." Link whined. He approached the chest again and said, "Maybe I can carry it out of here."

He reached down and attempted to lift it, nearly breaking his back in the process. "Man, this crappy thing is just making my life harder!" he wailed. "Who welds a chest to the dirt in the first place, besides Ganondorf? Is that even _possible_?"

Midna shrugged. Apparently it was, as her Hero couldn't lift it.

"Aw, screw this!" Link hissed, kicking the chest and nearly breaking his toes. "I'll have my revenge later. Come on, Midna."

And just like that, they left their secret little lair of riches. They should have at least posted a guard!

**XxXxXxXx**

** I hate my wallet. Nuff said. Will Link have his revenge? We shall see…**


	4. Fairies are completely evil!

**XxXxXxXx**

** Fairies are completely evil little fluff balls**

Link slowly approached Ganondorf as he came towards him, giant pink sword thing drawn.

"A pink sword? Lame." Link yawned.

The sword struck the magic barrier nearby with a terrible clang, making the earrings in Link's ears vibrate. He paled completely and squeaked, "I mean…how manly…"

"You should just give up now. Your friend's dead, and you too shall be soon if you don't give up." Ganondorf hissed evilly, twirling his sword around carelessly.

"If I die, I'm taking you with me." Link clutched the Master Sword tightly and charged.

Zelda, meanwhile, had to look away as Hyrule's Hero was slashed and bashed and beat and cut and all sorts of other nasty methods of slow deaths. When she risked looking back at the arena, Link was barely managing to stay on his feet.

"Not so tough now, aren't you?" Ganondorf laughed.

"I'm tougher than you…you pink sword-wielding girl!" Link shouted bravely.

"All courage and no brains, I see. Zelda got all of that. If you live to marry her, I would hate to see what your kids would be like. They would be worthy opponents." Ganondorf laughed again.

"And you're the same, knucklehead!" Link stabbed out with the sword, clipping Ganondorf's arm and sending him stumbling backwards. But he quickly recovered and slammed Link into the barrier, where he began to lose life.

"How's your bravery now, _Hero_?" Ganondorf sneered.

"I….Ow…Aaagh….!" Link managed to say.

"What's that? I couldn't hear."

"…I have backup…"

Ganondorf's eyes grew wide as he watched Link draw out a thick bottle of something. He uncorked it, and tiny balls of fluff and light shot out of it and covered him, gnawing at him with their tiny teeth.

"AAAAGH! FAIRIES! NOOO!" Ganondorf wailed.

"You know what else I got?" Link asked, swaying on his feet.

"OWWW!" Ganondorf responded.

"Your sword."

And with that, he drove both the Master Sword and the pink blade through Ganondorf's body, this time really killing him so he wouldn't come back in a demented sequel. The fairies began to swirl around Link, healing him completely.

"Thanks, guys." Link said.

"Don't mention it. Really." A fairy squeaked before flying after its friends.

Link spotted something by Ganondorf's dead arm and he picked it up.

Dramatic music played.

"You've got the **Ultimate Wallet**! It will hold up to **999,999,999,999** Rupees!"

"OH YEAH!" Link cheered. "Midna! We're rich! We're…" He trailed off as he realized his guardian was dead.

"Link, are you ok?" Zelda asked, slowly coming towards him on Epona.

"I'm fine…it's just…" Link was the bearer of Courage, but he still broke down in sobs. "Midna's dead!"

"_Who said I was dead, fool?_"

Link spun around to see a really tall lady that looked a lot like Midna. So it had to be her, naturally.

"MIDNAAA!" Link ran at her and threw his arms around her neck in some sort of demented hug. "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"

"_I left your side for ten minuets!_" Midna sighed.

"But still! It was too long!"

Zelda rolled her eyes.

"_Link, let go of me. You're freaking me out_." Midna growled.

"Sorry. I missed you so much!" Link grinned broadly.

"All right, if there's no more action/humor crap, stop this FanFiction!" Zelda shouted to the skies.

_All right, relax_! A voice said. _It's over. Happy now_?

"Very."

The land was covered by a dark veil with words cut into it.

** THE END.**

** XxXxXxXx**

** In a few ways, this makes me sad. I don't think there will be another Down Time, and for real. I'm almost completely out of ideas. If one of you delightful readers/reviewers have any ideas, please tell me! Your idea might just end up as another chapter on this thing, with an exclusive shout-out to you from me!**

** Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

** Lordoftheghostking28**


End file.
